What really matters?

“What really matters?” asked a friend of mine to our group of friends recently. Here’s my take on it.

Philosophically or in a true sense the answer according to me is “Nothing really matters”.I think of myself on the verge of my death and ask this qn “What really matters?” and the answer I finally get is “Nothing really matters”. And for all the facade of certainty that I put up, the fact is life is uncertain and I can very well die before I even finish this post . So if I were to live every minute as my last minute, then answer is ‘Nothing really matters’ ever.

But I would not be able to do that. Because the life is uncertain I may still live even after I finish this post. But if I keep thinking of death every next instant then I would become insane. So I have to live with this facade of certainty or realise “Nothing really matters” and live like Ramana Maharishi.

So, since I am not Ramana now and I have to go on with my existence, What really matters?

To me what really matters is my integrity. By integrity I mean whether I am true to myself and I am free of any conflicts in mind. The conflict can be a small one as some disagreement I had with my Prof last week and want to let him know about my disagreement, or, it can be my behavior with someone which I regretted and want to convey my regrets about, or, it can be my fear that I may die and I need to take an insurance before it so that my parents will be financially secure in case that happens or it can be some job that I had to push myself to go to every morning..the conflict can be anything..If once aware of these conflicts I have taken steps to address them then I have retained my integrity or ‘mental peace’ as my friend K may like to call it.

However, sometimes it may happen that due to some circumstances I may have to live with that conflict. That cannot be avoided because we are social and emotional beings and no man/woman is an island. But as long as I am aware I have a conflict and take some steps to reduce the conflict given my constraint it is fine. But in the end if it turns out I need to compromise because of the constraint its fine too; then it means for me the constraint is more ‘important’ , so my integrity is intact again. So the essential thing is to be conscious of the choices I make at every point in my life and living it with integrity.

But am I living my life with integrity? Though I have realized the need for it and have been trying on and off to do so the answer would be No. But I hope to do so more in the future and go to sleep with less conflicts in my mind.

P.S.: My belief is that there is no life after death. But I were to believe in life in death, then ‘Nothing really matters’ may not not hold true.

Learnings for an accidental researcher..

I read an article titled “The right mindset for research” in today’s edition of Education Plus (The Hindu).

Some expert quotes caught my attention -

“Research is an open-ended problem.  When a mind seeking immediate returns works on it, it is easy to get disheartened and bored. An age when the pizza delivery companies promise you a free dinner if they take more than half an hour to deliver is counter to the mindset needed for research.”  “Research needs an inquisitive mind which is never satisfied with the current solution or status of affairs.  But it needs discipline too- Dr. Rupak Biswas, Acting Chief , NASA Advanced Supercomputing

“Research mindset offers a competitive advantage. It is like the story of the hare and the tortoise.  If you have a mind trained for research, you will be the tortoise – the climb would be slow and steady, but eventualy you would win the race” – Dr. Rajesh Kasturirangan, National Institute of Advanced Studies, IISc

For someone like me who at core is an action-oriented person and an accidental doctoral student it is yet another reminder of what I need to learn from my stay here as a doctoral student. I know that I have always excelled in ‘mastering the system’, a system which essentially is based on ‘learning by rote’, predictability and maintaining the status quo. I do not necessarily see it an inferior skill but I know I need to move beyond it if I were to realize my potential.

I have always found answers for the questions posed to me. But what I would like to learn by the time I finish my thesis and graduate is to ask the right question and systematically answer it.

P.S.: For those who are interested in reading the article, the link is http://www.hindu.com/edu/2009/07/13/stories/2009071350020100.htm

The Serenity Prayer

Dale Carnegie (Image via Wikipedia)

Perhaps one of the most influential books that I have read is ‘How to stop worrying and start living’ by Dale Carnegie. I remember that I bought a old second-hand copy (though it looked like a fifth or sixth hand only!) of the book from one of the platform shops for some 15 or 20 bucks. The copy was really old, papers turned almost brown and brittle. I also remember that I read it during my second semester of Engineering; as I topped the batch that particular term. I used to wonder whether it is a coincidence or it was the effect of Dale Carnegie

Whatever be the practical usefulness of the principles enunciated in the book, Dale Carnegie’s excellent writing skills, his ability to keep the reader engaged, the numerous anecdotes that dot the book and the book’s ‘feel-good’ character made it an interesting and fulfilling read.

Some of my experiences (both first-hand and second-hand) in the last one week made me remember one of the numerous anecdotes and quotes that I read in ‘How to stop…..’. Dale Carnegie had quoted what is popularly known as ‘Serenity Prayer‘ to drive home the point that there is no point worrying about the things that we cannot change and we would be better off dealing with things wherein we can indeed make a difference. Stephen Covey gives a similar call when he asks us to differentiate between those things that fall within our  ‘Circle of concern’ and those which fall within our ‘Circle of influence’.  Coming back to ‘The Serenity Prayer’, here is it:

“God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.“

Once again, I pray to God for that wisdom and courage.

P.S: I had once heard that Dale Carnegie committed suicide. But my ‘customary research’ for this post showed it is just a rumour. I am relieved! For those who felt bad like me to hear that Dale Carnegie committed suicide, here is his obituary in the NY Times which makes no mention of a suicide and says he was ill for some time before death – http://www.nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/bday/1124.html

Fed up with Media!

“Mallya saves Bapu’s legacy” cried media headlines!! How can a person who is liqour baron and one who unabashedly shows off his wealth can ever be a savior of Bapu’s legacy!! And what is Bapu’s legacy – non-violence and truth or a pair of glasses!

a sort of emptiness

It is almost five in the evening. I am sitting in my room overlooking the insti playground. I spend the last two hours and some more in my balcony shuttling between watching the beautiful veiw of the playground and listening to Hariprasad Chaurasia and reading a paper on transaction cost economics Believe me, the view of the playground from my balcony is one of the best. It is the main reason that I chose this room.

The reddish tint of the playground, its vastness, the green trees dotting three-fourths of its boundaries (the remaining one-fourth is the hostel blocks), the blue sky, the tennis court in one corner, the huge overtank that towers at the horizon all make a great view indeed. I had enjoyed watching this sight for one year now in all its hues – the sun blazing down, the slight drizzle, the heavy downpour et al. But today I felt a strange feeling. I felt a sort of emptiness in me.

The playground today is uncharacteristically quiet. The kids from the nearby government school who are brought here by a bunch of energetic good hearted souls to give the kids a sense of fulfillment are not here. The kids who learn cycling with their fathers running behind them are not there. The futsal players are missing . The random motley of runners and joggers are missing too. The ground is uncharacteristically silent. There is a sense of emptiness, a sense of calmness about it today.

The sense of emptiness is starking as it seems to mirror my own state. The sun is playing hide and seek today with frequent soujourns behind the clouds. Again mirroing the state of my mind which nowadays oscillate between bouts of inspiration and frustration.

But somehow today along with the sense of emptiness, I also feel a sense of calmness. Maybe it is the sign of things to come.